i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
