Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
