Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
