hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
