The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you guys were way drunker than both of me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
