my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
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