he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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