Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
