I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
