girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
