Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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