your thong is hanging out like whoa
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
