She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
