We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
