who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
