I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
