A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
