There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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