You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
