How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
