she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
