The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
