how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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