i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
