I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
