In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
