im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
