A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
