Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
