dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
