Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
