You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
