Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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