I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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