After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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