I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
