trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found puke in my bra..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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