Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
