She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
