This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
