your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
