Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
