My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just pee around me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
