Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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