i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
