So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
