So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got chris browned last night
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
