Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
