3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
