wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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