Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
