He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
