Just fell off a train. Bad.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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