and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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