I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
