I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
