i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
