tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
