Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
