did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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