Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
