Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
